suspicious minds
by broken halleluiah
Summary: White Diamond briefly regrets selling her damaged Pearl, but not as much as she comes to regret her attempt to get her back. / A sequel to "capacity." The Pearl wants to go to Diagnostics.


**This will probably make more sense if you read _capacity_ first. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, though.**

 **I felt compelled to post this upon finishing it, even if Pearls as technicians and bodyguards has almost certainly been jossed as of _Back to the Barn_ , and (in the spoiler-free version) I think Stevenbomb 4 is jossing just about everything else. I don't necessarily even think that Rose is Pink Diamond anymore, but dang it, I put a lot of effort into writing this. We all knew our theories wouldn't turn out to be entirely right from the beginning. That's why they're theories. That's why they're fun!**

* * *

A mark of good leadership was to stand resolute in one's decisions, but White Diamond couldn't help but momentarily regret giving up that Pearl. She had been an incredibly efficient Pearl. It had been nothing but greed, pure and powerful impatience, that made her flirt with the idea of finding a better one. Of course no such thing existed.

She hung back as the other Diamonds filed out of the chamber after the morning's business.

"So, whatever became of that Pearl?" she asked Rose, quite conversationally. "Were you able to repair her? I felt terrible about selling her to you when I wasn't sure if you'd been able to restore her."

"That was entirely my decision. But yes, I was able to heal her." Rose smiled with a quiet pride.

White Diamond sat back in relief. There was still a chance, then. "So when will she begin to aide you? We've all been eager to see you bring her around."

"Oh, she's…" Rose paused. "I just have her working on some small things in my chamber, for now. I didn't really have much prepared for her to do."

Rose had never planned to own a Pearl. White Diamond was hoping to stir that long-buried squeamishness in her again.

"You're going to think me wishy-washy for only saying this now, my dear, but I'd like to retain that Pearl in my service."

Rose's eyes widened.

"I know, I know." White Diamond shook her head. "You never wanted to speak of your purchase again. But I haven't bought a new Pearl yet, nor have I cashed your payment." She pulled out the slip of paper, messily written in the midst of a crisis, and held it out to Rose. "I'm prepared to refund you in full, and I would gladly add a sizable bonus for the work you put into repairing her."

Rose didn't reach for the check. Squeamish wasn't quite the word for the look on her face, but White Diamond persisted.

"Pink Diamond, we both know you don't want to own a Pearl. It just feels wrong to you, doesn't it?"

"It… it does."

"I respect your convictions entirely, darling. Each of us has got to live by our own convictions, haven't we? And it was never fair of me to let you buy her, when I knew the guilt would eat you up inside."

Rose took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you. After I purchased this Pearl, I… well, I released her."

"You… _what?_ " The confession surprised White Diamond more than it really should have.

"I released her," Rose repeated. "She remains in my service only through her own volition."

"Volition? Rose, do you even know what you're saying?" White Diamond couldn't help but laugh. "Of course, she didn't even think of leaving you, did she?"

Rose's cheeks flushed. "I tried to have her consider it. But she would like to remain with me."

"Of course she does. She's designed for service. It doesn't matter who she serves." White Diamond laid a hand on Rose's shoulder. "I know you have limited experience with Pearls, so I'm just trying to help you understand."

Rose shrugged away from her hand. "I gave her the option of returning to your service, and – the thought genuinely distressed her. She expressed a desire to remain with me. I'm sorry." She stood to leave.

"She objected to serving me?" White Diamond's jaw hung open for a moment. "I don't understand! Surely she can't _blame_ me for her injury at the hands of that terrorist, can she? That's _highly_ irrational!"

She'd been heartbroken when the incident took place, truly, she had, but it was a simple security breech. She prided her chamber on being smooth, orderly, and safe. Nothing of the sort would ever happen again.

Here was an insidious thought… Perhaps the Pearl had said nothing of the sort. Perhaps Rose just wanted an excuse to keep her. Yes, it was a nice way to remain on the moral high ground, opposing the Pearl trade _in theory_ , and still end up with a pretty specimen to display in court, to serve her every whim, _in practice_.

Rose sighed. "I didn't want to admit this, White Diamond, but the truth is, she _is_ highly irrational. Please don't take it personally. She just isn't quite the same as before. I've never seen her sort of Gem exhibit her level of… I don't know what to call it. Self-awareness. She expresses her thoughts and feelings impulsively and without any sort of precision. She's incredibly anxious and prone to fits of emotion that physically drain her."

White Diamond considered that. "That sounds nothing like a Pearl."

"It's unusual, to say the least, and it's certainly interfered with her ability to do any meaningful work in the palace. She's easily distracted and still struggling with simple tasks like connecting to the Databases. You don't want her now. I promise you don't."

"Well, what in heaven's name are _you_ going to do with a Pearl like that?"

Rose sighed heavily. "I haven't the slightest idea. I suppose I feel sorry for her, even if she isn't good for much." Her tone was genuinely sorrowful, and yet, White Diamond couldn't shake the feeling her words weren't entirely sincere.

"In that case, forget I said anything. However, if you'd be willing to bring her by my chamber sometime, I had her store some very important photos for me. I'd like to download them onto another Pearl, if I could."

Rose blinked. "Of course. I'll talk to her. I'm sure we can arrange that."

White Diamond was sure to hound her about it every day until she did.

* * *

Today was the day. Today she would determine for herself if Rose was telling the truth. If there was anything wrong with the Pearl. If there was any chance of retaining her.

White Diamond was late to the meeting she had arranged in her own chamber- it had just been that type of week, especially since her chamber was now understaffed- but the sight that met her eyes as she rounded the corner of the corridor slowed her steps. She ducked behind a stone statue of herself to observe discreetly.

Her Pearl - no, not hers, not for the moment - hurried ahead of Rose to open one of the massive double doors leading into the chamber. Tending these doors had been one of her primary responsibilities when she had served in this chamber, and one of her simplest. But the Pearl paused with one hand on the handle and leaned against the polished surface of the door, closing her eyes.

"What is it?" her new master asked quietly.

"I thought I could do this, Rose." The Pearl's voice shook.

 _Rose._ She addressed her master as "Rose." Even White Diamond could be scolded for such informality, especially in council meetings. Rose must have taught her to speak that way, though that was still a considerable break from a Pearl's typical programming.

Rose pushed the door shut again. "Talk to me."

"I don't want to go back in there!" The Pearl clutched at Rose's arm. "Please. I feel ill."

White Diamond stiffened. No Pearl of hers would ever dare to touch her. Nor would one dare to complain of physical infirmity unless asked for an assessment. In fact, this was the same Pearl who had stood resolutely guarding the door as her gem crumbled, hardly a week before. But now she wrapped her arms around herself and trembled.

White Diamond stepped out from behind the statue.

"All right. That's all right. No one has to know," Rose said in a soothing tone, squeezing the Pearl's shoulder in another moment of impropriety. "I'll just go in and tell them-"

White Diamond abruptly clapped her hands, startling both Gems. They turned around, and the Pearl straightened, immediately bowing.

"Pink Diamond! What do we have here? My dear Pearl, you're looking _so_ much better than the last time I saw you!" She cupped the Pearl's chin in her hand, feeling the pale cheeks warm under her fingers as the Pearl averted her eyes. Fascinating. Still, it wouldn't take much to train a Pearl to mimic an emotional response like embarrassment.

Rose nodded to the door. "We've got just a few minutes, White Diamond, so we'll have her upload the pictures and then-"

"Yes, of course." White Diamond snapped her fingers in the Pearl's direction. She hurried to pull the chamber door open for her superiors. The Pearl on the other side of the door bowed and ushered them inside. The other two Diamonds sat at their table, waiting impatiently for the meeting to begin.

"So it's not just us, then," Rose whispered. "I told my Pearl-"

White Diamond clapped her hands once more, turning to face the others. "My Diamonds, Pink Diamond has requested the opportunity to present her repaired Pearl and give us a full update on her progress."

"I-" Rose glanced to White Diamond and then back to her Pearl. "I would be honored to."

"Oh yes," Yellow Diamond said. "We've been almost a week without incident. I suppose it was time to address our past failures. Well, get on with it."

Rose cleared her throat. "First of all, the Pearl responded immediately to the administration of my tears. Having all of the pieces of her Gem and the ability to react within a relatively short amount of time allowed her to be healed. For that, I must thank my fellow Diamonds."

"Yes, well, is there something else?" Blue Diamond asked. "White Diamond led us to believe something unusual happened."

Rose nodded slowly. "I believe that this Pearl has experienced increased environmental sensitivity and perceptive abilities since I administered my tears. I- I was quite surprised by this development, but not altogether displeased."

Eyebrows rose around the table. White Diamond frowned. "She's more _perceptive?_ Is that all that's different about your Pearl now, Pink Diamond?" Supposedly she was so altered she was no longer fit for service.

"She has perhaps experienced an increased emotional range as well," Rose said evenly. She didn't say it as if it was a bad thing. "There are a few other nuances, but I would say they're negligible. Nonetheless, I would like to request a small number of Pearls on which to attempt to replicate the procedure."

Even the Pearl looked vaguely startled at this, to say nothing of the other Diamonds. White Diamond, in particular, was horrified. It was all so _obvious_ now.

Rose Quartz was trying to build a collection of Pearls. Rose, who had always been so vocal in her opposition to the trade. Who had, in another age, questioned whether designating servitude as a function was paramount to slavery. Who hadn't been allowed to bring the issue up since then. But for what purpose?

If she didn't know her fellow leader - if she didn't _trust_ her - she'd think military power.

"Why in the world would you want to do that?" Yellow Diamond demanded, her voice hot as if her mind had wandered into forbidden realms as well. "If I recall correctly, this Pearl was brought within an _inch_ of total system shutdown, and even you haven't been able to restore her to her prior state. Do you really want to inflict that fate on other workers?"

Rose shook her head. "On fully functional Pearls? Of course not. But perhaps our Diagnostics team could send other damaged Pearls my way. And I would, of course, be working to improve my method."

"I-Improve what, your Excellency?" the Pearl murmured to her master. She spoke without being addressed. Rose kept her eyes forward, ignoring her.

"Now hold on," Blue Diamond interjected, for the first time since the meeting began. "We haven't even heard from the Pearl yet. Perhaps this hasn't impaired her significantly."

"Pearl, would you like to speak to this?"

The Pearl bowed to them. "I am most grateful to her Excellency Pink Diamond for restoring me, and I wish to be of service to her in whatever manner I can be most useful."

Now that sounded like a Pearl.

Blue Diamond nodded. "But is there any specific way in which you feel you are _more_ capable of service since your repair?"

The question seemed to catch the Pearl off guard. She glanced to Rose for assistance, but Rose said nothing. The Pearl shut her eyes for a moment.

"Well, since my repair, I have been able to detect the difference in hues in Pink Diamond's garden," she said. Her volume gradually grew louder. "And accordingly, I was able to assist her with the aesthetic arrangement of the flowers in beds."

Pearls, while designed to be aesthetically pleasing, had no true notion of what was pleasing to the eye. Still, that was an innocuous new skill for Rose to have her Pearl display. As useless to an insurgence as one could image.

"Hold on, a difference in hues?" Blue Diamond turned to the others with raised eyebrows. "Do Pearls not see in color?"

White Diamond had to admit she didn't know.

"Typically, I suppose we don't," the Pearl answered, blushing again.

"I didn't know that," Blue Diamond said simply.

"It hardly seems to matter, one way or the other," Yellow Diamond said.

"Precisely. If it doesn't matter, why do they make them like that?"

No one answered Blue Diamond. In the end, she was the only one to vote in favor of Rose's experiment. White Diamond kept her arms folded over her chest. As much as she hated to rock the boat, it was probably time.

"I _am_ overcome with curiosity, but not about the color vision of Pearls. I want to know why Pink Diamond is determined to damage more Pearls when she's admitted to me that her last repair was a catastrophic mistake. Pearl, please open the security footage from yesterday morning, 09:00 hours."

"Me?" asked Rose's Pearl.

"It doesn't matter who. You should all be able to access the file, it's in the Databases. Actually, you stay there and begin uploading my photos. Have one of mine access the footage."

Rose's Pearl nodded. Lines of encrypted data scrolled across her eyes as she connected to the Database. A moment later, the Pearl hissed, cringing as if she had touched something scalding. The data faded from her eyes, and her cheeks flushed blue again. She silently steadied herself and attempted to reconnect. It took longer than usual to establish the connection, but this time, the numbers ran smoothly.

White Diamond turned to her fellow Diamonds as one of her own Pearls stepped forward and began to scan through the security tapes. "Pink Diamond's Pearl hasn't been working. She's simply been lounging in her personal chamber for a week. Putting her feet up, I'm sure."

Rose blushed. "Oh, no, please understand. I ordered her to rest because I was concerned about the state of her gem. She's been begging me for something to do. I-"

The other Pearl switched on her projector, and a holographic image of Rose flickered to life on the table before them. _"She is highly irrational. Please don't take it personally._

"If I could quickly interject-" Rose was silenced by a look from Yellow Diamond.

" _I've never seen her sort of Gem exhibit her level of… I don't know what to call it. Self-awareness. She expresses her thoughts and feelings impulsively and without any sort of precision. She's incredibly anxious and prone to fits of emotion that absolutely drain her."_

Rose glanced over to where her Pearl was still lost in a world of information. She seemed to be holding her breath as her own voice continued on the recording.

" _It's certainly interfered with her ability to do any meaningful work in the palace. She's easily distracted and still struggling with simple tasks like connecting to the Databases. You don't want her now. I promise you don't."_

The anxiety on Rose's face eased a bit when the recording shut off there. Yellow Diamond turned a burning gaze on Rose. "So by your own admission, your healing technique rendered the Pearl incapable of any meaningful work?"

"Of course not. Incapable isn't the right term. She shows marked signs of improvement already."

"And is increased _autonomy_ another of the skills you neglected to mention?" Yellow Diamond continued icily.

"I think… that remains to be seen. She's a bit—a bit more-"

"Enough." Yellow Diamond held up a hand. "It hardly seems like a good use of time or Pearls to let you continue to damage them for such experiments. If you are truly concerned about your Pearl's functionality, you can send her down to Diagnostics. Gems in that department have far more experience with Pearls, and they might be able to do some sort of reset."

Rose bowed her head hesitantly. "I'll- I'll consider it. Thank you." She eyed her Pearl warily. The stream of numbers cleared from her eyes after another moment.

"The data transfer is complete, your Excellency. I will take my leave now." The Pearl immediately turned toward the double doors. Rose didn't move.

White Diamond frowned. "I didn't hear you dismiss her."

Rose bit her lip and called, "One moment, Pearl."

The Pearl turned only partially around, her eyes swimming with something approximating pain. "I- I must report to Diagnostics immediately." And she hurried off down the hallway, hands balled into fists at her sides.

Rose's face paled a shade. "Please excuse me," she murmured, hurrying out of the room after her.

In that moment, at least, White Diamond couldn't fathom why Rose would train a Pearl to do _that._

* * *

Corrupted. Corrupted. Every single file White Diamond had stored on the Pearl, prior to her injury, was corrupted. Her head may have been more of a disaster than she had been willing to consider. So it seemed Rose hadn't been lying about everything.

White Diamond strolled across the balcony overlooking the royal gardens, absently flipping through the error messages that used to be her photos on a floating screen. She glanced over the marble railing to see the Pearl pacing a cobblestone path in the garden below. Her flailing arms animated frantic words that White Diamond couldn't make out from this distance. Rose Quartz followed close behind, absorbing the Pearl's tirade with a sober expression.

White Diamond raised her floating tablet again, pawing through the options menu to find a list of Pearls currently connected to the Database. She found her—er, Rose's—Pearl in a moment and opened the live audio feed.

"No. No. Don't you think I know how I'm supposed to be?" The Pearl spoke as if barely restraining a scream. "And I know that I'm inconveniencing you, whatever you say to the contrary! And _since_ you told me I was free to leave, I'd like to- I'd like to exercise that freedom!"

"Pearl, please." Rose's reassuring tone was almost too quiet to make out. "I won't forbid you to go, but first, hear me out. You aren't- I don't think you'll be able to blend in anymore. I've made the court aware of how much you've changed. It was poor strategy on my part, I'm afraid. I didn't expect them to react quite that negatively. I didn't think White Diamond would—Never mind."

The Pearl crossed her arms. "If they don't like me this way, I can go to Diagnostics. It won't take long for them to sort all this out."

"No!" Rose's eyes widened with alarm. She reached for the Pearl's arm. "You _cannot_ go down to Diagnostics!"

The Pearl drew back, her nostrils flaring. "You said _I can do as I please!_ "

"Listen to me!" Rose said, sharply enough to make the Pearl flinch. "If they perform a reset, you- whoever you've become- will be gone. And if they can't, they'll crush you without a second thought. Please, darling, they won't understand what's changed."

"What's to understand? I hadn't even realized yet, the full extent of my incapacity. You just let me lie around your chamber, _purposeless_ , and you told me you didn't mind."

Rose frowned. "You were still recovering. Of course I didn't mind at all."

"Please- _please_ don't insult me like this. I may not be functioning correctly, but I can understand the nature of the situation you find yourself in."

Her gem flickered to life with a familiar projection. Rose watched her holographic form roll its eyes.

" _I suppose I feel sorry for her, even if she isn't good for much."_

Rose shook her head. "Oh, Pearl, no…"

"I know y-you didn't ask me to download that recording. But I did it anyway." The Pearl confessed it as if she hadn't been able to help herself. She shut off the projection and sunk to the cobblestone. "I don't blame you for regretting what you did, but you never had to keep me. If I can't be of use to you, I have to leave. I don't care if they scrap me, I just-" Her voice caught. "I can't bear to stay if you don't want me."

"Pearl…" Rose, of course, wasn't willing to strike the Pearl, not even to curtail the stream of nonsense pouring from her mouth.

The Pearl was actually weeping. She covered her face, but the hitching of her breath came through White Diamond's speaker clearly. The projection rewound itself and played again from the Pearl's gem. " _Even if she isn't good for much_." And then it looped again. _"Isn't good for much. Even if she isn't good for-"_ The projection wobbled as the Pearl started to sob.

"Enough of that." Rose dispersed the hologram with a wave and laid her hands on either side of the Pearl's face. "Look at me, please."

The Pearl obeyed, for once.

"You are so much more than they understand right now. And now you _feel it_ so much more acutely than you ever did before. Every word they said stung you today, didn't it?"

The Pearl nodded, not even attempting to check her sobs. For pity's sake, even Rose could keep her tears when the situation called for it.

"And mine hurt you worst of all. But they weren't true. Pearl, I'd say _anything_ to keep them from taking you and breaking you back down again. Do you understand?"

"I'm- I'm trying," the Pearl stammered. "I _want_ to believe you."

White Diamond didn't want to believe any of it. Rose had lied to her fellow Diamond in the council hall only to confess the truth to a broken Pearl in the open air of the garden. Oh, but they'd had their eye on her for a while now, hadn't they?

"I know that your world is upside down right now. I wish beyond _anything_ that my words could be consistent now when you need it most. But it's not always safe for me to speak my mind here. It wouldn't be safe for you if I did."

White Diamond swallowed. It occurred to her that she really ought to be recording this. It was too absurd a thing to claim she had heard without any real proof. She fumbled with the tablet for a moment, but she didn't know how to record sound from a live feed. That was something her Pearl would have been able to help her with, damn it all.

"But I need you to know that I haven't been sorry for a moment that I healed you. The only thing that could tempt me to regret it is knowing this isn't worth it to you." Rose touched the Pearl's cheek again. "Do you regret being able to feel, Pearl?"

The Pearl's round eyes searched her master's for a long moment. "No," she whispered, breathless.

Stars in the heavens, _she didn't have it on tape._

Rose smiled. "Then I'm satisfied. That is all I'll ever need from you." Her lips touched the Pearl's gem, so softly that hardly a dash of feedback traveled through the equipment. The Pearl laughed softly through her tears, another sound once foreign to her mouth.

"I feel so foolish now." She wiped her eyes. "Of course you can always speak your true thoughts to me. There is no one I would tell."

"You don't know how grateful I am for that…" Rose tilted her chin up softly, before her eyes trailed up to the balcony. White Diamond stored her tablet quickly, glancing out over the garden as if she was simply taking in the afternoon glory of the flowers. A crease appeared between Rose's eyebrows, and she pressed a palm over the Pearl's gem.

The sound coming from the feed was abruptly muffled. White Diamond couldn't make out the question Rose asked, but the Pearl responded with, "Yes, I'm still connected to the Database, why do you ask?"

Another murmur from Rose. And then the Pearl said, "Oh, I didn't even think of that."

The live feed immediately dissolved to static. White Diamond felt her curiosity die along with it.

* * *

White Diamond tore out the check for 500 credits and handed it to the Pearl behind the reception desk.

"And are you looking for any particular model of Pearl today?"

"Just… nothing that will give me a headache." White Diamond leaned against the counter wearily.

She wondered who would even believe her if she told.

* * *

 **All aboard the hype train! Destination: Homeworld!**


End file.
